Let’s start at the beginning. Is casual sex as a category good or bad for you, sex-wise? (Side note: In this book we’re going to pretend like the casual sex of today isn’t the same thing as the big, steaming dumps of 50 years ago. Okay?)
Casual sex used to be associated with sex that was a little weird and a little uncomfortable, or even not that enjoyable. But, to be honest, that’s how most casual hookups used to be: Someone you know casually, maybe even with previous experience of dating, has a good time with you. It’s an interesting experience, but not necessarily the one you’re hoping for when you go on a first date.
But that’s changed. “Today, most casual sex isn’t the one you really wanted on that first date,” says Suzanne Steinbaum, author of How to Have Sex. In fact, it’s not even that. It’s good enough!
According to current research, this change is because casual sex today is often hookups that, well, you didn’t really want to go out with that much to begin with. And if you’re really lucky, you meet someone from another culture, or better yet — like your parents. The effect casual sex has on you is highly dependent on where you are.
But that’s not to say that people will always be casual hookups. The point is, you can decide to have it or not.
The “Casual Sex Is, But It’s Not Always” Theory
Let’s start with the bad news, that — according to recent surveys — “casual sex” has now become a thing. There are large percentages of people who — in their dating lives or their intimate relationships — have had sex with just friends or strangers, non-exclusive romantic connections or if you’re lucky, one night stands.
This, of course, isn’t the only reason why casual sex is so prevalent. People just have different priorities — people are multi-taskers and if you need to be in two different places at once, you’re going to be far more likely to just skip one. And the media is playing a large part in the popularity of casual sex, from the explosion of pornography on the web to the rise of dating apps and websites.
Then there’s the feeling that if casual sex has become so common, it’s also become easy. “There’s this whole thing that — you know — if you do something now, it’s going to be
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It’s possible for casual sex to go horribly, terribly wrong. In fact, according to some STD stats, it happens more often than you’d think. While that’s absolutely an area in which to heed your health professionals’ advice — they are likely more knowledgeable about these risks than you are, after all — it’s much more common for casual sex to give you no more than a case of the feels or a case of tinyprobs. So if you’re planning on doing the deed, and you don’t want to end up pregnant, stop and think about these few things. If you’re new to casual sex — or just want to get the scoop — talk to your health care provider about the small risks, and the small and big risks of sexual choices. And if it feels right, go for it. Forget Tinder Tinder is the one-stop-shop for casual encounters, and it has become the centerpiece of our hookup culture. It can be useful for sex, or for finding love, and while plenty of folks make use of it to facilitate the former, many people do it for the latter. That’s because dating apps are often associated with just hooking up with someone you find attractive. But dating apps aren’t only used to assess your potential love interests; if it’s just a matter of banging the nearest available body, Tinder, Bumble, Grinder, and OkCupid are the perfect tools. Plus, by using an app, you’re keeping casual sex options to yourself in the online or real world. The whole idea of apps is that they keep things secret — and that’s definitely the way to keep yourself safe. Single parents dating strategies Before you decide to “post” a casual sex ad on Craigslist, you have to think about your situation. There’s no denying the fact that when you have kids, your life is already complicated enough. You have a husband or wife (or both) to take care of you and your kids, and now you have to figure out how to also have sex. Also, get your location adjusted. “Your kids will notice if you’re off in Santa Fe for a few months while you are fucking around,” says Sophie Shevardnadze, a dating coach who also specializes in meeting single parents for potential relationships. If you’re thinking of having sex with someone, there are no special situations that apply to single parents, says Laura Berman of Berman Lipman &